I know it's been way too long since my last entry... Been a bit withdrawen of late. I guess I should have been writing in here, it may have helped, but really didn't have the urge for much of anything. A lot of events in the past few months have brought on a lot of thoughts and emotion. Most of them already stirring inside for the last couple of years. Thanksgiving helped bring me around some. But I think it really just puts them on hold till the next time they come up. I've got to make some changes. But it's just that I can't get the clearest picture of what that is. Does that make any fucking sense at all. I'm not even sure it does to me. I just think we all get so comfortable where we are at and what we are doing that changes is not a word we want to hear or deal with. Even though we know the change will get us closer to our wants and dreams. We just think "Is it worth it?" "Do I want to lose what I have now to get there?" "Is that really what I want?" "Am I really in a good position to make any kind of changes at all?" A lot of questions and concerns. Am I just a big chicken shit or are these questions legitamet??? There is a good book that was passed out for work. I read part of it need to check it out again. It's called *Who Moved My Cheese?"- Spencer Johnson, M.D. wrote it. I was a #1 best seller. I withdrawn from a lot of my life lately. I know my friends question it and want to help, it's just I don't know how they can help. If I can't help myself how are they going to help. Then I always hate putting my negative stuff out there. And I hate that I am dwelling on myself so much. I hate feeling sorry for myself. That in itself drives me nuts. So many people have other problems. Far worse than mine. But unfortunately that is where I was at.
Looking forward some immideate things I want to start working on is my health and my wieght. I know that is a lot of my self worth issues right now. I'm just not happy with myself and figure why would anyone else. Putting them aside for right now I have to feel good about myself there first I know that. I'm a big eater for the comfort. So I need to work there first, get to were I can even look at myself in the mirror again.
OK to be honest I'm not sure this helped today. We'll see. I think I've made this diary a self pity thing. There I go again. Jeez I hate that. Maybe it'll help me to change though. I'm willing to work through it. I really got to say thanks for listening on this one in particular. Hope all is well in your lifes. Hugs and take care.
SW
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Quote from the past
Please Let Me Know What You Think. Click Here --> 3 comments so farIt takes a lot of courage to release the familiar and seemingly secure, to embrace the new. But there is no real security in what is no longer meaningful. There is more security in the adventurous and exciting, for in movement there is life, and in change there is power.
--- Alan Cohen
