Have you ever found yourself trying to help someone else and it really kind of helped you out some too. I had the honor of being asked by someone I know from the AWC room for some advise.
He is really a great guy, I have known him for a while in the room and have talked to him a little bit here and there along the way. Just a real down to earth guy that just wants to be happy.
Talked with him the last couple of hours really just trying to be there for him and hoping he would realize that he is worth being able to be truely happy no matter what. The things he thinks he will lose aren't worth keeping if they don't care that he is happy and being himself. He is really in a hard place. He told me about his life, very similar in a lot of ways to mine. He took one path and I took another but in the end they are kind of at the same place. He told me he felt like he could trust me. I'm glad to hear that. It's one thing in my life that I think is so very important. Probably the most. If you can't really trust someone then what do you really have.
That being said and living the life I lead are very contradicting and each year passing gets more difficult. But anyway talking to him made me really think about things, what I was trying to say to him I should be following myself. How eye-opening is that... LOL
I truly hope I helped him by being there. I hope he can get through this without too much hurt. It's one of those situations that there is no way to avoid hurt. Those are the worst.
It was a beautiful weekend in Iowa. :-) Almost perfect. And what did I do??? Absolutely nothing. I need to get my shit together. I know my diary has become depressing to say the least, but it's kind of where I am at. But and I do mean BUT I know I can do better. Tomorrow is another day. You know what? I'm worth doing better.
This weekend I was a bit lazy and should have gotten out and enjoyed the weather because there won't be much more of it. And next week the time "falls" back. Yikes I hate getting off work in the dark. And it's going to start getting really cold YUCK
Had a great talk with K last night. He is great to talk too. Reading his posts just shows a lot of similarities between us. It's really cool. Getting to know him has been really great.
Got a concerning email the other night about my state I guess. My last couple of posts have been a little low and they are really my ramblings and thoughts I guess. Maybe I shouldn't open so much, not sure. I'm glad my friends are concerned about me but I don't want to bother them either ya know. Hmmm does that make any sense??? LOL Talked to "W" last tonight he seemed really down and I said some nice things about seeing me being happy sometime in my life. And then left the room. He has been really working his butt off at home and has a new job so maybe that was part of it. He is very nice about that but he should know I would like to see him happy also. Supporting friends are great aren't they. If anything in life is worth anything having friends that turely support us and love us for who we are has a huge affect on life. We should cherrish that.
Another thing that came up tonight was thinking about the friends I have that support me. I've been blessed with a few. It's been great. One reason I would like to be honest with my family about a few more things. We are VERY close and it's hard.
I have one friend "M" that is truely amazing with his total support of me and who I am and his positiveness about that. He shocks me at times. No one in my life has ever done that before. I have some amazing, generous, honest, caring and kind friends, but something about him really just, well honestly freaks me out and always has. Does that make sense??? Why is it like that?? I still ponder that from time to time. Especially when he blows me away with something.
To be quite honest the friendships I have made in a damn chat room are pretty damn amazing. Is that because I am myself there totally??? I feel comfortable there and with people like me?? I have always kind of been one to be able to see who I could trust early on. I've been burnt I won't lie because I am a little naive about a lot of things and over trusting to a point. It takes a while to start seeing that in the chat room though. It's still possible. You start seeing the signs right away if you know you can't trust someone. I've met some great people there. Always want to get to know them better and hopefully will do that too. I'm big on trust can you tell??? LOL Maybe I need to get out more??? hmmmm ya think.. LOL
OMG I've rambled on and on. I'm sorry. I could go on for a while but won't. I'll save that for another day.
Thanks for listening. Take care!!
Hugs,
SW
