Just finished watching the movie "Latter Days" it's a great movie, sad, happy and makes you think. I wasn't going to watch it but have been in a strange mood this weekend. If you haven't seen it you should check it out. It's not your traditional movie so you may not find it easily. I downloaded it off the net. I've been thinking about watching it again for a while. I'm glad I did. I was told about it by a great friend over a year ago now I think. At that time told several others about it.
Had a fun weekend with my sis and the kids this weekend. They were all really good and we got along great. Did a lot of people watching and thinking. I guess about life. Pondering the last couple of years or so and what changes I've made and things I've done. All the good things and not so good things that have came around. The amazing people that have came into my life. Some have left all too soon but I'm glad I got the little time I did to know them. I've been truely blessed by the friendships I've made over the internet. Been thinking about the huge self inflicted walls I have crawled over or broken down in some ways. I opened myself up like never before and more than I ever thought I could or was allowed to.
Seeing the familys at the pool. Having a great time with my sis's kids and seeing them grow and learn new things. Seeing the smiles on their faces. Seeing the smiles on the many faces of the kids, parents and others I don't even know. It makes me smile to see all that. People enjoying life. I just sit and watch and wonder.
Talking with my friend and trying to be supportive and help get them through things. Not knowing the outcome and the changes that lay ahead. Just thinking about life, where it's going and truely how short it is. Them speaking of what if's and how come's and the sad reality and possibilities. Talking about being so strong and staying positive. They act so strong but you hear in their voice the fear and anxiety they are trying to hide. Not being able to do anything for them. I just sit and listen and wonder.
I guess it was one of those weekends I just try to ponder the future. What does it hold. Where will it lead me or I lead it. I'm not good at predicting the future, maybe that's my problem I need to plan and make a future. Maybe that has been my problem all along. Do I just sit and let it happen to me??? Things come up and happen that just shock and suprise me. Things have happened or are happening to friends that have been life taking or life threatening or life changing. You always think these things will make you think ab out things differently or make things better in your own life. You hear people say it makes you live like it's your last day. None of us truely know when that will be so why don't we live like that. Why don't I??? I just sit and watch and listen.
Now don't get me wrong. I'm not a sad person. My life is not horrible in any way. I do get sad when friends or family have things happen. I just know there are things that I want and need in my life. It's not a long list just some neccessities I feel are what makes life. Will I ever have them?? Who knows. Maybe this last paragraph if my big excuse. LOL Funny but true.
OK thanks for letting me vent. Thanks for listenting. I know I don't make sense a lot of times. LOL Remember a lot of it is fresh from "my" brain. It doens't make sense a lot of times. hehehe Take care all!!!
Hugs,
B
