Was a wierd weekend. Friday had a great night up to my sisters and with the kids. Started out kind of hectic, I was teatering on the fence of a mood that started at work. But it all worked out after a little time with the kids. The newest nephew is giggling a little, he is such a cutie.
Saturday I slept in really late. Go figure, I try to sleep late every weekend. It was such a nice day I shouldn't have wasted it. But hey everyone needs a day of waste now and then. Went into the room later and there were a good bunch of guys there. People were talking so that always makes it nice. Got a pm from a few people one of them being "A" that kind of suprised me. We chatted for a while. He was telling me he was planning on a road trip to see some friends. And was thinking about stopping here. So now I'm a little dumbfounded. Don't know what to think. Don't know how to think. And most of all don't know how to feel. It's been almost a year and a half. Should I think nothing and move forward. Is that really something I want or would want. If he had communicated better at that time. It was all a wierd thing. He acts like it is nothing. It's not like we've talked all that much since then. Most of what happened I made worse myself but that doesn't mean it didn't happen. He's the one that cut me off with no communication at all. But I'm the one that let myself feel worthless. It has been a long time. I have no regrets and said I never would it was a big step and an important step in my life. Even if it didn't work out as anticipated. I guess we'll see. I won't let what happened before happen again.
Being gay I guess I think I am different but maybe I aint. I am one that doesn't want "one night things". I think with that I may be in the minority. Is that wrong to want something more? Am I not a sexual person if I don't want that? Not that I haven't had them or won't it's just that most of them I have known and it was sort of planned. Not that I'm disapproving either. It's just what I want to work towards. There are so many times I wished I was more the other way. Then my hardon goes down and the blood flows back into the brain. But anyways I guess a lot of things on the mind this weekend.
Today I spent paying bills and cleaning. My goal to get out of debt is a serious one and I work on it very hard. I've let myself get in so deep with credit cards. I want to be at a place where I drive my life not my job or strings to an income that I can't do without for a second. But I am doing better with it than I thought I would. It may help that the Jeep is paid off now. But not being late and focusing on the overall picture is pulling me along the best I think. I always feel a little better about myself when the bills are all paid and the house is clean (or cleaner). It's like a bandage for a while. But hey one of these days.
Well enough for tonight. Thanks for listening. Plenty of things to think about for myself I'm sure I'll need you to listen again. :-) Take care!!!
Hugs,
SW
~ ~ Cool Quotes ~ ~
There are two ways to slide easily through life: to believe everything or to doubt everything; both ways save us from thinking.
~ ~ ~ Alfred Korzybski
Please Let Me Know What You Think. Click Here --> 4 comments so far
